Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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