Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
