I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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