Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
