i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
