When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Drake has all the answers
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
