I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
No subtext here. People are naked.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
