After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
