Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
