wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
