I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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