I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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