if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize