do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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