If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize