im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
When are your genitals available?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
