She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
