I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
