this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
