bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
another moral hangover. fuck.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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