someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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