The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
