why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
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