the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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