I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
