new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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