I want to have your abortion
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
