By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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