HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
