drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I just found a bag of teeth...
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
This baby is an asshole
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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