hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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