my room smells like sperm. sweet.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
i need some magic done to my vagina
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
