It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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