I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
