Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
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