You're my little dorito
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
