I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
