That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
