How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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