I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
