Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
