I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
