Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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