I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
