i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
