My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
