i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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