So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
