I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
