The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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