Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
