At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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