I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
