Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
