I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
