I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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