Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I AM VODKA MAN
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
