I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
