Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
