Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize