You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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