Your dad touched me again.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
