This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
