yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
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