My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
