im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Randomize
