I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I pour the whiskey from now on
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
