I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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