okay pat passed out under dana's car
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
