Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm sobbing to NWA
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
