In the future we'll all be gay
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
