Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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