there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
