I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
