ugly people sure do ruin things
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
