yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
The air was thick with penises
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
