I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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