I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Randomize
