I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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